It's your last chance... "Be forward. Who gives a fuck?"

Even though classes may be over, 10LastChances.com is still giving us some final assignments. So blitz your buddy and form a, uh, study group. Just make sure to use up your remaining topside on necessary, um, school supplies.

--- Forwarded Message from 10lastchances@10lastchances.com ---

>From: 10lastchances@10lastchances.com
>Date: Mon, 7 Jun 2010
>Subject: 10LastChances.com: You have a match!
>To: Xx.X.Xx@dartmouth.edu

Hi Xx X. Xx,

You have a match from 10LastChances.com!

Zz Z. Zz wants to get to know you better!

Send a blitz. Be forward. Who gives a fuck? It's senior week. Only 6 more nights until graduation... get busy.

Zz Z. Zz has also been sent a blitz alerting them of the match. The awkwardness has been taken care of for you. Enjoy!

REVIEW: Theodor SEUSS Geisel (Lives and Legacies)

Dr. Suess is one of Dartmouth's favorite sons, and yet few of us know much about Theodor Seuss Geisel, the D'25 son of a brewer who drew naughty cartoons for the Jack-O and made war movies for the military. In his book, Theodor SEUSS Geisel Dartmouth Professor and MALS director Donald Pease shows us the flesh-and-blood man behind the most celebrated children's books in America. We see how Geisel's shame and ostracism due to his German ancestry in WWI America inspired him to take refuge in satire. We learn how he adopted his now famous pen-name to circumvent the administration's suspension of his extracurricular activities after H-Po caught him drinking during prohibition. We see the development he experiences, from a war-cartoonist and political satirist to an author/illustrator primarily for children, and we take note of the tragedies that befall him, notably the suicide of his first wife.

"10LastChances" offers last-ditch hook-ups, STDs

Hey, '10. I know you're pretty bummed about graduating soon. You know, my uncle once told me that there is a time and a place for everything and it's called college, and now that we'll all about to enter the 'real world', I'm glad we got all those crazy hi-jinks out of our system.

Oh wait. You're saying that you forgot to do all that crazy stuff we kept talking about and now that graduation is fast approaching us like aid-boat off the Gaza Strip, you're consumed with regret at all the thing (people) you haven't done? Well don't fret; some comp sci kids have given us the answer! 10LastChances.com!

You know that (well I'm not sure I would call her cute) girl you've been ogling since your freshman seminar together? And you, Missy. Remember that athletic guy from writing 5? The one with the killer biceps? Well you're not getting any younger, and let's face it, you're all getting pretty desperate. Why not turn Senior Week into one Kafkaesque madhouse of fornication and unleashed repressed desires? And that's where 10LastChances comes in.

DeLorenzo '10 almost costs Dartmouth $100,000

In a stunning move that simultaneously demonstrates the insignificance of an individual, the uselessness of symbolic protest, and the generosity of Dartmouth alumni, the class of 1960 has agreed to donate the $100,000 reward for 100% participation to the 2010 Senior Class Gift (SCG) despite the fact that it fell short of that goal by 1 single person. That single holdout, perhaps a Rip Van Winkle character who slumbered through the high profile SCG collection process, is Laura DeLorenzo '10, and she's become the darling of Bored@Baker, displacing Phil Aubart, Sarah Koo and the SAE 3 as the queen supreme.

The Senior Class Gift, a traditional fund-raising campaign held by the graduating class, this year sought to break the 2009 class record on the curiously scaled graph from its website, reproduced on the right (dammit, we didn't break 120% again!). Incentivizing the annoying and self-congratulatory hecklers in charge of collecting funds and distributing flairy retro-sunglasses, was the class of 1960 (the '10s mentor class) who agreed to pay $1,000 for every percentage of the class who gave, and an extra $100,000 if all 100% donated. But just as sure as every theme park needs its one molesting mascot, so too does every ointment need its fly. And that's where DeLorenzo comes in.

After the jump, color-commentary and her anti-Dartmouth tirade in full.

Sun God publishes video manifesto, school shooting his inevitable next step

Dartmouth's "The Sun God" today published a video manifesto, thereby providing campus with the final perfunctory warning sign before he inevitably engages in a mass-casualty attack, most likely at the upcoming Commencement exercises. Video manifestos have become a staple of modern terrorists, from Islamic suicide bombers to those engaging in psychological warfare, like the Kardashians. Regardless, while I applaud the quality of the video, I now lament the fact that when The Sun God kills us all, however he is planning to do it, we will be unable to say that we never saw it coming. Because, let's be honest, we totally do.

For those unfamiliar with "The Sun God," he appears to be Hanover's equivalent of a village idiot: a buffoon who travels freely about campus doing odd or embarrassing things, while the admissions department desperately tries to hide him from outsiders and while we all learn a lesson about social tolerance. Though he's usually silent, apparently when he does speak he exhibits almost a Charles-Manson-esque psychotic charisma that, rumor has it, has helped him to enlist a sidekick in his late-night adventures. And get this: she's a girl!

Full video and commentary after the jump.

Adderall Receives Honorary Degree From Harvard

More comedic genius from The Onion

"Harvard is proud to honor the tremendous merits of Adderall, without which many of you would not be sitting here today," Faust said in her opening address to the nearly 1,900 unblinking and intensely focused students receiving their diplomas. "I don't think I'm exaggerating matters when I say that Adderall has been an inspiration to us all."

The psychologically addictive drug then received resounding applause from the assembled graduates, with many jumping to their feet, clapping in near unison for 25 straight minutes, temporarily forgetting where they were, and then grinding their teeth in celebration of the well-deserved honor.

REVIEW: One Bullet Away

Nate Fick (D'99) divides his life into three sections: "peace", "war", and "afterward". By page count, "war" is by far the longest.

After completing Officer Candidate School and his A.B. in Classics from Dartmouth, Fick was commissioned a Second Lieutenant in the U.S. Marines and commanded the auxiliary platoon of the 1st Battalion, 1st Marines in the 15th Marine Expeditionary Unit during the first stages of the War in Afghanistan. As the kind of guy who gets perfect scores on the Marine physical exam, Fick thought he wasn't challenged enough with that assignment and passed rigorous training to be a platoon commander of the Marine's elite 1st Reconnaissance Battalion on the front-most lines in the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

Thanks to embedded Rolling Stone journalist Evan Wright, Fick's story was published as an article series in that magazine and later turned into a book, movie, and TV show all entitled Generation Kill. The publicity made Fick a Marine celebrity, rocketing his career as a Washington expert on the war and eventually as CEO of the Center for a New American Security.

REVIEW: Naked Economics

Where was Charlie Wheelan (D '88) when I took Econ 01?

In the foreword to Wheelan's acclaimed 2002 pop-economics book Naked Economics, Princeton University professor Burton Malkiel sums up the author best: “Charles Wheelan is the man with the anti-Midas touch... If he touched gold he would turn it to life.”

For casual observers of 'the dismal science', Naked Economics takes your hand and walks you through a basic understanding of market-theory frameworks, all in a light and conversational tone. Wheelan explains why everyone should love government (as a necessary correcting and regulating force in the market) and outlines which uses of it would be most efficient. He explains why it is that Bill Gates makes more money than you or I and uses that example to bolster later conversations about value and scarcity. He detailed the differences between fiscal and monetary policy and shows you why and when governments would use each.

RIP Rope Swing (~2006 -- 2010)

Canoeing up the Connecticut today, I decided to check whether the rope swing had been reattached to its tree. Sadly I discovered the situation to be much worse. The entire rope swing tree and much of the shore on which it was perched has broken off of the river-front hill and completely slid into the water below. On shore is left a gaping hole where the massive tree's roots once rested-- where classes of students forged fond memories of Hanover in summer and Dartmouth at its best.

The rope swing tree of my time was not the only one of its kind. Responding to town concerns about late-night noises coming from a previous rope swing in 2001, H-Po cut down the rope before later cutting down the entire tree. The same thing happened again in 2002 and 2003. Suffice it to say, the move did not improve H-Po's reputation among the students, or the student's relationship with the town. Many criticized the college and the town for destroying students' fun, eliminating mildly hazardous pastimes however much they positively impact the Dartmouth Experience, and however much similar dangers are allowed to continue (looking at you, Dartmouth Skiway).

Thus ends another Dartmouth tradition. May future classes invent another.

SAE's Cocaine Party Affidavit

Bored@Baker is quickly reinventing itself as Dartmouth's version of WikiLeaks. When news broke that Dartmouth students had been arrested for cocaine use, B@B already had the names. As The Dartmouth sat on the story until it broke in the Valley News and Union Leader, Bored@Baker continues to fill in the gaps of our knowledge.


Fighting back, The D has gone for the win and linked to THIS ARREST WARRANT AND AFFIDAVIT ripe with juicy details from the protagonists' mouths. It has everything: girls 'who want to hook up with you', property destruction, nasty emails, snorting cocaine off of composite portraits, copious amounts of drinking, a tabard party, people peeing all over everything in retaliation, and a whole lot of name-dropping. For an abbreviated version, without any of the witness tampering stuff, check out THIS OTHER WARRANT.

The post has been updated.

Green Key Weekend

Green Key weekend is the greatest weekend of spring term.

It was like a holiday-- there were BBQs, free food, and plenty of music playing around campus.

I spent all of Friday and Saturday doing absolutely nothing-- hanging out with friends, reveling in the sun.

There were plenty of dance parties in the evening-- an '80s theme, a eurotrash, and a Dartmouth favorite, gammapalooza.

Amidst midterms, projects, and homework, this break was so worthwhile. I can't wait for Green Key next year!

Review: This Is Our Youth

Drugs and sex, drugs and sex. That's all the older generations think we teenagers are obsessed with these days. Maybe a little music thrown in, but these days seems like the elderly tend to reminisce about their lovely music days and criticize us for letting that fall by the wayside, too.

Well, maybe it's true. Do we ever think about our purpose in life? Do we ever contemplate the bad decisions that we as an age group make that can impact- or end- our lives?

Kenneth Lonergan's dark, occasionally comic "This Is Our Youth" asks these eye-opening questions. True, the mode of the message is a few decades aged, but the themes still seem to ring true these days. Not much really changes as far as human behavior goes, anyway, does it? In the Bentley tonight at 8pm Warren Straub (Jack Coster '13) and Jessica Goldman (Marguerite Imbert '12) argued this point briefly, but didn't seem to come to a definite conclusion. There were few conclusions (or at least few solutions) offered in this work- in their place, there were quite a few heavy questions.

Just kidding prospies, it does snow in Hanover in late April!

9AM, I woke up to this:

ugh. I can only imagine the damage this would have done if it happened over dimensions.

Daniel Webster dinner sucks rotten eggs.

Take a look on Banner Student, the college's student information system, and you'll see a link for "Daniel Webster Reception Registration." This senior-only, registration-required-dinner dangles in front of every student on banner student for all four years of enrollment; I could only expect that it would be some classy way of honoring the students and seeing them off into the bright world beyond. Instead, I found myself overdressed at the worst cocktail party in town, in the hottest room at Dartmouth. And there are no chairs.

This "reception" -- which I swear to god was a "dinner" on my banner student in previous years -- is little more than "snacks for seniors". Students of age jump through hoops by bringing government ID and putting on plastic bracelets for the privilege of drinking champagne only a step or two better than André. Odd selections of edible, but not great, finger food are put out on small tables for hundreds of '10s to swarm around. Alumni from the class of 1960 are there to mingle, but with no specific purpose.

The event begins with a 'few remarks from our fellow '10s' and we soon discover that the entire evening is just one big selling of student government after college. We meet the SEC (senior executive committee) and watch a video they produced in which the twenty or so of them describes at painful length who they are and what exactly they are suppose to do. The video ends with bloopers, which could only be funny to the people appearing in them and are almost as long as the entire preceding presentation. A lull in the speeches emerges and you continue your marathon of standing awkwardly, waiting for Jim Kim to come at end and save you from having to continue standing awkwardly listening to more speeches. Someone gets up and extols the virtue of giving back financially to the school. He points to the oft-quoted statistic that even full-tuition-paying students have half their tuition subsidized, and you wonder in amazement how on earth Dartmouth could possibly cost $100k per year per student. The more you think about it, the more Dartmouth's tremendous fiscal shortfall makes sense.

Another alum comes up and gives his top 10 list of advice for young alums: numbers 7 though 9 on the list are 'not being Joe Asch'. As all the tables run out of food and lemonade, your legs get more tired, and the speaker comments on how nice the evening is and how many of these exact events you'll get to go to when you're active in alumni affairs. yippie.

Jim Kim takes the stage and for the first time in the evening everyone is silent. He talks about dimensions and cracks a few jokes about how easily Dartmouth alums cry when thinking about Dartmouth, and how silly "Brown people" are (he means the Alumni of Brown University). The program ends, and though you are invited to stay and continue to mingle, you leave immediately so you can go to Foco and get some real food. As you look around foco, you notice everyone else from the Daniel Webster reception is there too. Oh, and they never explain why the thing is named for Daniel Webster.

For the love of god, don't waste your time going to this event. The whole thing is so half-assed, I'd rather just cut it entirely and save Dartmouth the money.

"Thank you for making my decision to come to Dartmouth"

"RESOLVED: Don't come to Dartmouth"

That was the topic of the Dartmouth Political Union debate for prospective students visiting campus over Dimensions, the admitted students weekend. Shocking and controversial in a line-up of events designed to zealously sell Dartmouth to the admitted students, this debate was designed to offer the most balanced look at Dartmouth available at Dimensions and show the DPU's unflinching commitment to fostering topical debate.

The room was completely packed. Every chair was filled, every space on the side stairs was used, and kids even sat on the floor in the very front of the room. Chris Kendig '10 and John Lee '11 both volunteered for the difficult task of arguing against Dartmouth in a loyal opposition sort of way. Their arguments were valid: drinking is rampant and low in quality, flair is the pervasive fashion sense, winter is cold, and really deep conversations are largely confined to freshmen dorm rooms. John proclaimed that "Dartmouth is like yogurt, and not because we're all white (laughter). It's because we're one homogeneous culture."

Will Hix '12 and I took on the pro-Dartmouth case. In my speech to the crowd, I explained that there is a presentation for parents and a different one for students, and that I will be giving both. The one for parents focused around numbers and looking at Dartmouth as a return on investment. As Dartmouth graduates make the most money of any university graduates in the country, our ROI is supreme and the benefits of membership in the Dartmouth Alumni body are many.

In the presentation for Dartmouth, I talked about the very first thing President Wright ever said to me during freshmen orientation -- "Welcome home" -- and how from that moment until the present day, that's exactly where I've been. I've been home. And I used the remainder of the time to talk about all the reasons I love Dartmouth: from the way that no matter which direction you approach Hanover, the first thing you see rising out of the hills is Baker Tower, to the benefits the D plan has personally given me in terms of study abroad opportunities. I ended with the following lines:

"...[And if someone asked me why I loved Dartmouth], I'd tell them about the feeling I get when at 6pm the Bell Tower plays the Alma Mater. And from now until the day I die, I'll think about all of these things ever time I look down at my graduation ring. And years from now, when I return to campus, and cross the green at 6pm and hear the first lines of that song, I'll know that I'll be home."

During our question and answer time, one prospie girl asked me -- as the leader of the pro-Dartmouth side -- for one thing that I would want to change about Dartmouth.

me: Though the college works really hard to bring in entertainment from out of town, the fact that we are so far away from Boston or New York makes it feel rather isolated at times. I frankly have no idea why Wheelock chose this hill of all places to put his school, but I'd want to move it an hour or so south if I could.
D'12: I can answer why Dartmouth is in Hanover. It's because it was founded to teach Native Americans and here's where the native students were.
me: then I'd move the Native Americans. (laughter)

The crowd was simply perfect-- the right combination of parents and students -- and our balance in tone between being funny and serious perfectly matched it. After the debate and vote were finished (the resolution failed unanimously), the students came down to mingle with the DPU leaders and many of them sought me out to tell me how much much easier their decision was after seeing my presentation. It was such a rush to defend Dartmouth so publicly and it makes me sad that this was perhaps my last opportunity to do so.

It's About That Time

Vanessa Sievers ’10, a Democrat, hasn’t had the easiest time as Grafton County treasurer. She was elected in 2008, gaining national attention after her Republican opponent Carol Elliott attacked her for being a “teenybopper.” After taking office, she was criticized by some local officials for being lackadaisical in handing county funds. Even after successfully passing her investment plan last year, the county commission just asked Ms. Sievers to stand aside, according to an Associated Press wire story.

And they're right to do so. As unpleasant as it is, Ms. Sievers should resign her post.

During the 2008 election, I was working for the Democratic coordinated campaign effort in the Upper Valley. When Elliott launched her ridiculous attacks on Ms. Sievers, we were understandably outraged. The treasurer’s job just entails parceling out the county’s funds between local banks, and it was preposterous to assert that a student at a school like Dartmouth wasn’t up to the task.

That was, of course, what we assumed before we saw Ms. Sievers in action.

Are some of the attacks on Ms. Sievers politically motivated? Sure. Commissioner Ray Burton, a Republican, has been critical of Ms. Sievers since day one, and rather unfairly so. Many of his comments have smacked of vendetta against the candidate who ousted his Republican co-worker.

Some things, though, are pretty clear. Ms. Sievers did not move quickly to design and implement an investment plan after her election. She also failed to attend several meetings, instead opting to e-mail her contribution to the commissioners. Many local Democrats defended her, explaining that she just has a different way of communicating “from us old geezers” on the county commission, according to Commissioner Martha Richards (D).

Last year, Sievers explained that she was busy, but was working hard and was in e-mail contact with local officials. This round, Ms. Sievers claims that she didn’t know when meetings were taking place. (Nevermind that the schedule is posted online.)

For Ms. Sievers, it’s been one excuse after another. She has failed to be proactive, failed to attend meetings – and therefore, failed to execute the duties of her office. And what Ms. Sievers does not seem to understand is that being county treasurer isn’t the same as being the College Democrats’ treasurer – this is taxpayer money and it should be handled with care. You don’t just blitz in your contribution, you take the time to show up. If you don’t know when the meetings are, you take thirty seconds to find out.

Ms. Sievers isn’t just hurting herself, she’s damaging the credibility of those who fought for her in 2008, and those college students everywhere who want to run for office in their own communities. Ms. Sievers had her chance – and then another, and another still.

The commission is right, Vanessa, it’s time for you to go.

Image courtesy of Facebook.

Tutor Cheating Scandal?

--- Forwarded Message from Holly A. T. Potter ---

>From: Holly A. T. Potter
>Date: 22 Apr 2010 11:48:15 -0400
>Subject: The D article yesterday
>To: (Recipient list suppressed)
>Reply-To: Holly Potter

On April 21, The D reported:

Academic Skills Center tutors are available to help students understand course material, but a member of the Class of 2013 who wished to remain anonymous said that she knew several students who have the Center's tutors complete assignments for them. She added that her friends use the center in this manner because they are driven by "pressure to do well and keep up academically."

"[They'd] bring in tests and get their tutors to do the whole thing," she said.

--- end of quote

All,

My assumption is you can imagine how disappointed I am with this report in the D yesterday.

Those of you who have attended tutor training sessions, I believe, have a clear understanding of the gravity of this allegation. The Tutor Clearinghouse has never been tainted with an academic honor principle violation of which I am aware. Those who have attended training sessions are aware that it is my philosophy that all Dartmouth students are bright and every one of you has every opportunity before you to excel academically. Those of you who have attended training sessions know that I am all about empowering all students on campus to meet their academic potential – at whatever level that may be.

I recognize that information presented in The D can be inaccurate. Whether or not this assertion is accurate is moot at this point; perception is reality. What you are likely unaware of is the regular debate that is carried on between me and faculty who have a dim view of the work that the Tutor Clearinghouse has accomplished. What was presented today will only serve to reinforce a deeply embedded perception by faculty that does not represent the majority of those of you who facilitate the good work for the Tutor Clearinghouse.

Even more disappointing (to me) is the stain that this public statement represents for all the good, hard work most of you do with a sense of pride and honor. It will not come as a surprise to any of you that I feel that any student (tutor or tutee) who engages in this sort of behavior is dishonest, cowardly and engaging in a violation of the Academic Honor Principle.

You might wonder what you can do about this? I would encourage you to do what you do best. Spread the word among all students that this is an inappropriate representation of the work that you do. Although this is a student service sanctioned by the Administration, what this really speaks to is your integrity. Does it reflect your values correctly? If not, speak up.

The Administration has before them a daunting task of cutting waste. If there is any perception at all that there's funny business going on here, consider what could be lost: academic support that so many students honestly seek (and seek to deliver) and a job on campus that is not only monetarily rewarding (albeit minimal), but also academically stimulating, offering tutors and study group leaders benefits well beyond the few bucks that come to them for their time.

As a result of this revelation, there will be changes coming down the pike with regard to who will be allowed to tutor and what the criteria are that each student needs to fulfill. More will be coming out about this once my deliberations are concluded.

If you have any insight into this perspective (from any angle) that you'd care to share, I would be interested to hear your thoughts. This is, after all, your service in which you generously offer your gifts and strategies for success to help your classmates.

I will be back to you shortly.


Holly A. T. Potter
Tutor Clearinghouse Coordinator
Office Manager, Academic Skills Center
Office Manager, Student Accessibility Services

Tanner/Aiono Win Student Body Pres/VP

Tanner by 319 votes over Faloon. Aiono by only 7 votes (0.3% of cast ballots) over LGB-endorsed Hix.

LGB Endorsement: Will Hix '12 for SA VP

After interviewing all five Student Body candidates, the seven writers of The Little Green Blog have unanimously endorsed Will Hix '12 for Student Body Vice President. Our opinions on presidential candidates were weak and varied, leading us to the conclusion that none were worth explicitly endorsing. Below are our main observations on the election, which will take place tomorrow.

1. Little is at stake in this election. Snowballing after the election of Travis Green '08, Student Assembly has seen sharp declines in membership, visibility, and credibility on campus. At this point, self-motivated private students are more able to accomplish policy goals and represent campus constituencies than the President herself. Accordingly, there seems little practical difference between the various election outcome scenarios, and therefore little reason to care about the campaign at all. SA Pres. Tim Andreadis '07 ran on gender-neutral dorms and anti-sexual assault policies. Green '08 ran on releasing the tension in student government that Andreadis created. In this election (as in the last one) there is no similar big issue being considered by student government (a surprising fact given the swift and dramatic nature of changes around campus), and hence there is no policy decision for voters to make with their ballots.

2. There was a remarkable amount of positive convergence between the candidates on core SA issues. Eric Tanner '11, Uthman Olagoke '11, and Hix all explicitly agreed to give up SA's role in programming (e.g. Mr. and Mrs. Big Green) in order to concentrate on student services and representation (two focuses that all candidates agreed upon). This is a big step in the right direction because in the last couple elections, the role of advocacy and programming vs. services in SA was a major political cleavage. The election of pro-programming and pro-advocacy candidates led to the present failures in SA's credibility and legitimacy; only through leaders dedicated to services, representation, and efficient government can SA's reputation be restored.


3. Why Hix? LGB was impressed by Hix's resume showing involvement in many student government organizations and his knowledge of all their inner workings. Since the Vice President is SA's chief administrator, these experiences are crucial, and since he is only a '12, they are also impressive. His record of accomplishments as the Student Services Committee Chair in SA evidences his project-managing ability, a skill sorely lacking in SA since the graduation of Corey Chu '08 and Neil Kandler '09. We believe that Hix's policy ideas (like ending the prorating of damage charges in dorms, bringing governance committees back under SA's umbrella, and empowering the SA membership) will dovetail nicely with the platforms of all Presidential candidates and will enable Hix to be one of the most effective Vice Presidents in recent memory.

Asch '79 Leaves Dartblog

Joe Asch, Class of 1979 and erstwhile petition candidate for the Dartmouth Board of Trustees, announced this morning that he is retiring from Dartblog, and pursuing interests beyond Dartmouth College.

After much reflection here in the quiet of our New Zealand valley, I have
decided that in the future I will be devoting my time and energy to things other
than Dartmouth College. To those of you who have spent time reading my posts on
Dartblog over the past eight and a half months, thank you so much for your
attention. I enjoyed writing my sincere perception of the truth for you.

Personally, I am quite disappointed to hear this news -- Dartblog was a part of my daily news and analysis rotation. We here at Little Green Blog will certainly miss Joe's insightful observations and commentary on all things Big Green. After a very intense election, however, we cannot hold against him the desire to take a well-deserved break from College politics.

Joe has served the College well, and has dutifully 'kept for her the old, undying faith.' He deserves our thanks, and our sincerest wishes of best luck. You have rendered great services to the school, Joe, and those won't be soon forgotten. Fare ye well.