It's your last chance... "Be forward. Who gives a fuck?"

Even though classes may be over, 10LastChances.com is still giving us some final assignments. So blitz your buddy and form a, uh, study group. Just make sure to use up your remaining topside on necessary, um, school supplies.

--- Forwarded Message from 10lastchances@10lastchances.com ---

>From: 10lastchances@10lastchances.com
>Date: Mon, 7 Jun 2010
>Subject: 10LastChances.com: You have a match!
>To: Xx.X.Xx@dartmouth.edu

Hi Xx X. Xx,

You have a match from 10LastChances.com!

Zz Z. Zz wants to get to know you better!

Send a blitz. Be forward. Who gives a fuck? It's senior week. Only 6 more nights until graduation... get busy.

Zz Z. Zz has also been sent a blitz alerting them of the match. The awkwardness has been taken care of for you. Enjoy!

REVIEW: Theodor SEUSS Geisel (Lives and Legacies)

Dr. Suess is one of Dartmouth's favorite sons, and yet few of us know much about Theodor Seuss Geisel, the D'25 son of a brewer who drew naughty cartoons for the Jack-O and made war movies for the military. In his book, Theodor SEUSS Geisel Dartmouth Professor and MALS director Donald Pease shows us the flesh-and-blood man behind the most celebrated children's books in America. We see how Geisel's shame and ostracism due to his German ancestry in WWI America inspired him to take refuge in satire. We learn how he adopted his now famous pen-name to circumvent the administration's suspension of his extracurricular activities after H-Po caught him drinking during prohibition. We see the development he experiences, from a war-cartoonist and political satirist to an author/illustrator primarily for children, and we take note of the tragedies that befall him, notably the suicide of his first wife.

"10LastChances" offers last-ditch hook-ups, STDs

Hey, '10. I know you're pretty bummed about graduating soon. You know, my uncle once told me that there is a time and a place for everything and it's called college, and now that we'll all about to enter the 'real world', I'm glad we got all those crazy hi-jinks out of our system.

Oh wait. You're saying that you forgot to do all that crazy stuff we kept talking about and now that graduation is fast approaching us like aid-boat off the Gaza Strip, you're consumed with regret at all the thing (people) you haven't done? Well don't fret; some comp sci kids have given us the answer! 10LastChances.com!

You know that (well I'm not sure I would call her cute) girl you've been ogling since your freshman seminar together? And you, Missy. Remember that athletic guy from writing 5? The one with the killer biceps? Well you're not getting any younger, and let's face it, you're all getting pretty desperate. Why not turn Senior Week into one Kafkaesque madhouse of fornication and unleashed repressed desires? And that's where 10LastChances comes in.

DeLorenzo '10 almost costs Dartmouth $100,000

In a stunning move that simultaneously demonstrates the insignificance of an individual, the uselessness of symbolic protest, and the generosity of Dartmouth alumni, the class of 1960 has agreed to donate the $100,000 reward for 100% participation to the 2010 Senior Class Gift (SCG) despite the fact that it fell short of that goal by 1 single person. That single holdout, perhaps a Rip Van Winkle character who slumbered through the high profile SCG collection process, is Laura DeLorenzo '10, and she's become the darling of Bored@Baker, displacing Phil Aubart, Sarah Koo and the SAE 3 as the queen supreme.

The Senior Class Gift, a traditional fund-raising campaign held by the graduating class, this year sought to break the 2009 class record on the curiously scaled graph from its website, reproduced on the right (dammit, we didn't break 120% again!). Incentivizing the annoying and self-congratulatory hecklers in charge of collecting funds and distributing flairy retro-sunglasses, was the class of 1960 (the '10s mentor class) who agreed to pay $1,000 for every percentage of the class who gave, and an extra $100,000 if all 100% donated. But just as sure as every theme park needs its one molesting mascot, so too does every ointment need its fly. And that's where DeLorenzo comes in.

After the jump, color-commentary and her anti-Dartmouth tirade in full.

Sun God publishes video manifesto, school shooting his inevitable next step

Dartmouth's "The Sun God" today published a video manifesto, thereby providing campus with the final perfunctory warning sign before he inevitably engages in a mass-casualty attack, most likely at the upcoming Commencement exercises. Video manifestos have become a staple of modern terrorists, from Islamic suicide bombers to those engaging in psychological warfare, like the Kardashians. Regardless, while I applaud the quality of the video, I now lament the fact that when The Sun God kills us all, however he is planning to do it, we will be unable to say that we never saw it coming. Because, let's be honest, we totally do.

For those unfamiliar with "The Sun God," he appears to be Hanover's equivalent of a village idiot: a buffoon who travels freely about campus doing odd or embarrassing things, while the admissions department desperately tries to hide him from outsiders and while we all learn a lesson about social tolerance. Though he's usually silent, apparently when he does speak he exhibits almost a Charles-Manson-esque psychotic charisma that, rumor has it, has helped him to enlist a sidekick in his late-night adventures. And get this: she's a girl!

Full video and commentary after the jump.

Adderall Receives Honorary Degree From Harvard

More comedic genius from The Onion

"Harvard is proud to honor the tremendous merits of Adderall, without which many of you would not be sitting here today," Faust said in her opening address to the nearly 1,900 unblinking and intensely focused students receiving their diplomas. "I don't think I'm exaggerating matters when I say that Adderall has been an inspiration to us all."

The psychologically addictive drug then received resounding applause from the assembled graduates, with many jumping to their feet, clapping in near unison for 25 straight minutes, temporarily forgetting where they were, and then grinding their teeth in celebration of the well-deserved honor.

REVIEW: One Bullet Away

Nate Fick (D'99) divides his life into three sections: "peace", "war", and "afterward". By page count, "war" is by far the longest.

After completing Officer Candidate School and his A.B. in Classics from Dartmouth, Fick was commissioned a Second Lieutenant in the U.S. Marines and commanded the auxiliary platoon of the 1st Battalion, 1st Marines in the 15th Marine Expeditionary Unit during the first stages of the War in Afghanistan. As the kind of guy who gets perfect scores on the Marine physical exam, Fick thought he wasn't challenged enough with that assignment and passed rigorous training to be a platoon commander of the Marine's elite 1st Reconnaissance Battalion on the front-most lines in the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

Thanks to embedded Rolling Stone journalist Evan Wright, Fick's story was published as an article series in that magazine and later turned into a book, movie, and TV show all entitled Generation Kill. The publicity made Fick a Marine celebrity, rocketing his career as a Washington expert on the war and eventually as CEO of the Center for a New American Security.

REVIEW: Naked Economics

Where was Charlie Wheelan (D '88) when I took Econ 01?

In the foreword to Wheelan's acclaimed 2002 pop-economics book Naked Economics, Princeton University professor Burton Malkiel sums up the author best: “Charles Wheelan is the man with the anti-Midas touch... If he touched gold he would turn it to life.”

For casual observers of 'the dismal science', Naked Economics takes your hand and walks you through a basic understanding of market-theory frameworks, all in a light and conversational tone. Wheelan explains why everyone should love government (as a necessary correcting and regulating force in the market) and outlines which uses of it would be most efficient. He explains why it is that Bill Gates makes more money than you or I and uses that example to bolster later conversations about value and scarcity. He detailed the differences between fiscal and monetary policy and shows you why and when governments would use each.