January 19, 2007

I guess they have a reputation to live up to...

A Theta Delt brother serves up a valuable public service message:

Look, I know there's some bad things being said about me right now. I now some guy named Tim is going around saying that I objectify women and that you shouldn't come around anymore. I know this looks bad, but baby I swear he's lying.

I'm not trying to get into your pants, I'm trying to get into an insightful conversation that stimulates the mind. I'm not checking out your butt, I'm humbly bowing my head in your presence. I'm not inviting you back to my room to make out, I'm trying to find someone who enjoys reading Robert Frost late night as much as I do.

I don't know who this Tim guy is, but he's the one you should watch out for. From what I hear, he's all about back-stabbing people, one of the things that he claims goes on between us. But that's besides the point. This isn't about Tim, it's about us.

Anyways, I'm having some people over tonight and I was hoping you'd stop by. I understand if you don't believe me, but I'll keep "Robert Frost's Greatest Hits" bookmarked just in case.

I don't want to make a deal out of this. I just wanted to say, Robert Frost is not a good love poet. Future reference, Ned.

Also, and I mean, I really hate picking on people for shit on their facebook profile, but uh, dude, you're in a group called "Duke Defense Fud." WOW. It takes effort to find a facebook group that misspells a four letter word.


  1. Anonymous6:36 PM

    As much as you don't want to believe, Ned speaks for the silent majority on campus. I truly feel most people think Tim is a joke, his crusade(s) are a joke, and SA is a joke. That's not to say people are denying that sexual assualt is a problem, but the way Tim is handling it (and all this petty infighting) makes it all a farce.

  2. Anonymous6:37 PM

    And you have to admit, this is pretty funny.

  3. Anonymous6:54 PM

    As much as I hate to side with a Theta Delt, I think this is actually pretty funny. I don't think he's trying to suggest that Robert Frost is a love poet; I think that's the point. It'd be a lot less funny if he referenced Shakespeare's sonnets or something.

  4. Oh my god, you know, i realize that i have a reputation for being serious, but

    COME ON!

  5. I despair for the campus's sense of humour when this blitz is considered funny. Of course, given how seriously people take themselves here, I shouldn't be surprised. But really, this blitz is neither witty nor clever. I kept waiting for it to get funny, but it never did.

  6. Anonymous7:21 PM

    "i realize that i have a reputation for being serious"

    Do you read your own comments? Check into douche rehab NOW.

  7. Once again, a throwaway comment is taken far too seriously. Thanks frathead.

  8. It's quite obvious to me, at least, that Mr. Hillenbrand's humorous take on sexual assault and Student Assembly is, in many ways, on target. I'm not surprised that the typical whine-bags are sounding off on minor issues with his understanding of poetry (I'll admit that Shakespeare or Donne would have been a better choice; however, we have to respect and commend Mr. Hillenbrand's decision to choose an American over a foreign import -- and a good, New England Yankee, at that).

    The kernel of truth at the core of this brilliant piece of wit is that men do not objectify women, but that women objectify themselves. Women should understand that butt-hugging pants will attract butt-searching eyes, and that entering a Dartmouth man's room late at night after enjoying cocktails and a waltz is a blank check. I know these things, because women are always attracting my lustful stares, and because they have often refused to retire to my own room, presumably because they know what is in store for them. Yes, I am man enough to admit that I do not exude raw, animal sexuality -- at least not on the outside.

    I support the Greek system and Dartmouth athletics. Since Mr. Hillenbrand is a TDX, it's safe to assume that he has quit his team; since he is a Dartmouth athlete, it's safe to assume that his team has a losing record; so, let's give him some credit and let him have a fun night without raining on his parade.

  9. Anonymous9:40 PM

    Aaron, fartlog is funny. but only in the context of fartlog. you kill the joke by pushing it too far. for the record, Ned is, in fact, still on the team. and the men's lacrosse team has had a winning record for several years in a row now. in fact, they've gone to the NCAA tournament twice since the 07s have been here.

    i realize this comment has nothing at all to do with the discussion, but i thought i'd throw it in anyways

  10. Sir, I was offering my sober reflections on the matter. All things considered, my assumptions were safe, even though I may have been wrong. My job is to present analysis. I'll leave the humor to cleverer men.

  11. Dana Walker blitzes this out following the TDX blitz:

    "Hi! I'm sweet frat guy. I'm going to assert my super sweetness by mocking the objectification of women and by especially mocking one of the only leaders on our campus who cares enough to make light of this huge problem that I don't deign to recognize or care about.

    Mainly, I'm going to make fun of the objectification of women because I know that my brothers and I do shit like this, but I'm too much of a spineless coward to confront them and stop this. This is largely because I don't want to deviate and stop conforming because then I might be ostracized. And everyone knows that being ostracized is obviously a lot worse than rape and sexual assault. DUH.

    So instead I'm going to write this cute little story and allude to the fucked up shit that happens in my house and in other houses, without actually taking responsibility or taking it seriously."

  12. Anonymous1:27 AM

    robert frost was a theta delt in 1892