REVIEW: Scott Pilgrim's video-game romance not steamy but visually amazing

Scott Pilgrim looks the way that would feel.

Shot like the comic books from whence the movie drew its inspiration, Scott Pilgrim v. the World is the first major-motion ‘expressionist’ movie I’ve ever seen. Dazzling colors, awesome mortal-combat-esque fight scenes, hilarious absurdist comedy, rockin' alternative music, and polite Canadians pepper the screen making it an incredible and impressive watch.

I normally don’t care for Michael Cera and don’t consider him a serious actor. He just plays his awkward self in every movie... they probably don’t even tell him that the cameras are rolling. I went into the theater fearful that Cera would screw this movie up. Thankfully, the supporting cast draws a lot of attention away from this main protagonist (Thanks Jason Schwartzman! P.S.: Pilgrim’s gay roommate is priceless) and the role was properly designed for Cera to fill.

What's In a Rank?

Dartmouth -- as well as pretty much every major college and university in the United States -- has anxiously awaited the recent release of rankings from US News and World Report (and to a lesser extent, Forbes). In a recent e-mail to alumni, Dartmouth's PR office boasted our ranking bump from eleventh place (for 2008, 2009 and 2010) to ninth place in 2011. Dartmouth also moved significantly up the ranks according to Forbes, who moved the College from the mid-90s to thirtieth place.

Over the next few days, we'll be considering the rankings, what they mean, and how important they really are. Just to start us off, here are a couple of important questions to consider:

• What does Dartmouth's jump in ranking really mean?
• How closely do prospective students observe ranking methodology?
• Is the recent rank bump a tribute to President Kim's success at Dartmouth?

Thoughts?

REVIEW: Sedaris's Flames shine bright

David Sedaris has to be one of the greatest writers who ever lived. I say this because while other best-selling writers teach you compelling lessons (David McCullough), encourage your inner conspirator (Dan Brown), show you new and scary worlds (Michael Crichton), or take you off into fantasy (J.K. Rowling), Sedaris writes about the mundane and somehow makes it fascinating. Each of the many stories in his books are like literary candy: short, sweet, and easily digestible. That is not to say that he is entirely frivolous, though the books are far from serious, as at each turn Sedaris is able to make quick incisive quips about the absurd and awkward world he tries in vain to live in.

Dartmouth Ranked Best in Undergraduate Teaching

US News and World Report just released its rankings of American colleges and universities. Dartmouth College ranked ninth overall -- tied with the University of Chicago and Duke. This marks an "improvement" over last year's ranking of eleventh, although as Joe Asch over at Dartblog points out:

Not to be a wet blanket — at least any more than usual — but we are now ranked 9th in a tie with Duke and the University of Chicago. The school placing immediately after our three-way tie is Northwestern, which is ranked 12th. By that measure, I guess we are no longer ranked 11th.

Dartmouth also maintained its ranking as America's best institution for undergraduate teaching, beating out other perennial Ivy League competitors like Princeton, Brown and Yale.

Construction Zone

After a summer hiatus, and perhaps inspired by the College's decision to upgrade e-mail clients, I decided to avail myself of the administrative privileges bestowed on me by our editor and upgrade Little Green Blog. Over the coming weeks, I will be leading LGB through a series of updates hopefully resulting in a more intuitive, organized and aesthetically pleasing design.

In addition, posts to this site will become more regular and we will expand to use a set of Web 2.0 networking tools.

We first ask for your patience, as the transition may mess with the outlay of the site for periods of time. And we ask for your comments and suggestions, since we do this for our readers first and foremost.

Thank you for sticking in there. I hope you're as excited as I am for a revamping of Dartmouth's leading blog.

A Farewell to Blitz

For those who haven’t heard, the College administration recently decided to phase out the use of Blitz over the next year. Soon, all Dartmouth students, faculty and staff will be using e-mail and calendar services provided by Microsoft.

Generally speaking, moving away from BlitzMail is probably a wise decision. The program’s inability to handle HTML formatting, combined with its unaltered (some might say unadulterated) 1980's layout, make the program distinctive but sorely dated.

Perhaps BlitzMail has run its course. It lived a long life – 23 years, ancient for any software – and, as the adage goes, all good things much come to an end.

Accepting that the pill is necessary, though, doesn’t always make it easier to swallow.

After reading a piece in the D, I felt guilty for how neglectful I had become of my old friend. (I didn’t even have the client installed on my new laptop!) So I rushed over to Dartmouth’s computing webpage, downloaded Blitz, and logged into my alumni account.

Staring at my screen, with the ugly, pixilated little mailbox in the upper-left corner, makes me ache for Dartmouth more acutely than I have in a good while. Something about my Blitz inbox takes me to the terminals in Novack Café, the FoCo lobby, my sophomore year dormitory on Wheeler first floor, and the bench on Main Street right in front of Dirt Cowboy.

Sitting in this downtown loft apartment, thousands of miles from Hanover, I can smell coffee and Keystone; I can feel the chilled winds whipping across the Green; I can see the trees, molting blankets of gold and orange; and in this moment, I can feel the rush of reuniting with old friends, of the first syllabus of the term, of long nights with my nose pressed against a deadline. If I close my eyes and stand, I am sure I could feel the granite beneath my feet.

Remembering the countless blitzes to friends makes me miss them more keenly than ever. Today they are scattered – from the marble halls of Washington to the gorges of Ithaca and the cornfields of Iowa. Lost in this moment, though, I can almost pretend that they are just a jaunt across the Green.

With nostalgic ruminations stacked one atop the other, I can forget the flaws and frustrations of the ‘real world’ which, for all its wonder, cannot quite satisfy the yearning for comfort that the Dartmouth embrace always provided.

And while it hurts to acknowledge that those days are behind us, it still makes me smile to remember that they happened at all.

BlitzMail, for all its quirks and shortcomings, still strikes a powerful pose in the College psyche. Even as its time comes to an end, it lives on in the shared consciousness that we built, together, in our time at the College on the Hill.

So if you, like me, haven’t checked your Blitz in a while – do it today, if only one more time, for the love of Dear Old Dartmouth.

REVIEW: Inception

Many newspapers reviewers have said that Christopher Nolan's Inception is too "complicated" when in reality, it is just complicated enough. Movies today, it seems, cater to the absolute lowest common intellectual denominator with nothing but cute animals, tired jokes, and fluffy plots. When Academy Award-Winning actress Penélope Cruz's most commercially successful movie is G-Force, a movie about secret agent guinea pigs, something is wrong with the world. The success of Inception just might make it right again.

If you've read my past reviews, you'll know that I place a strong emphasis on the plots of movies. What are movies but stories? -- stories that allow us to explore areas connected to, but just beyond, the human experience? That's why I loved Inception.

The story centers around Cobb, an "extraction" specialist, who uses a Matrix-like artificial reality network machine to infiltrate people's dreams and steal their deepest, most profitable secrets. In his crew are an architect who designs the 'levels' where the dreams take place, an impersonation expert who acts out characters int he dream, a chemist who develops drugs to sedate his targets, and various other dream-bandits. Cobb's greatest challenge, and the movie's focus, comes when a businessman offers to clear Cobb's troubled background in exchange for planting an advantageous idea in the businessman's rival's head.

REVIEW: Nightlight: A Parody

The Harvard Lampoon lives up to its narcissistic self-promotion in this laugh-out-loud hilarious parody of that ultimate tween literary decay, Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. I can't tell if it's the pure absurdity of the basis books (and the magnitude of their popularity) or if the kids at Harvard really are that funny, but Nightlight had me in stitches to the bemusement of the other passengers on the NYC subway.

Basically the book is written as if a girl as insane, spacey, and self-obsessed as Bella 'Goose' were actually the narrator and 'Edwart' were not a vampire but rather a highly odd, slightly-hypochondriac, overachieving dweebish high school student. Knowing more than just a few Dartmouth students who, like Bella, seem to live in their own little worlds where their suffocating underachievement and complete awkwardness is remaped in their brain as evidence of insightfullness, attractiveness, and being interesting, Nightlight was a lampoon for me on many levels.

It's your last chance... "Be forward. Who gives a fuck?"

Even though classes may be over, 10LastChances.com is still giving us some final assignments. So blitz your buddy and form a, uh, study group. Just make sure to use up your remaining topside on necessary, um, school supplies.

--- Forwarded Message from 10lastchances@10lastchances.com ---

>From: 10lastchances@10lastchances.com
>Date: Mon, 7 Jun 2010
>Subject: 10LastChances.com: You have a match!
>To: Xx.X.Xx@dartmouth.edu

Hi Xx X. Xx,

You have a match from 10LastChances.com!

Zz Z. Zz wants to get to know you better!

Send a blitz. Be forward. Who gives a fuck? It's senior week. Only 6 more nights until graduation... get busy.

Zz Z. Zz has also been sent a blitz alerting them of the match. The awkwardness has been taken care of for you. Enjoy!

REVIEW: Theodor SEUSS Geisel (Lives and Legacies)

Dr. Suess is one of Dartmouth's favorite sons, and yet few of us know much about Theodor Seuss Geisel, the D'25 son of a brewer who drew naughty cartoons for the Jack-O and made war movies for the military. In his book, Theodor SEUSS Geisel Dartmouth Professor and MALS director Donald Pease shows us the flesh-and-blood man behind the most celebrated children's books in America. We see how Geisel's shame and ostracism due to his German ancestry in WWI America inspired him to take refuge in satire. We learn how he adopted his now famous pen-name to circumvent the administration's suspension of his extracurricular activities after H-Po caught him drinking during prohibition. We see the development he experiences, from a war-cartoonist and political satirist to an author/illustrator primarily for children, and we take note of the tragedies that befall him, notably the suicide of his first wife.

"10LastChances" offers last-ditch hook-ups, STDs

Hey, '10. I know you're pretty bummed about graduating soon. You know, my uncle once told me that there is a time and a place for everything and it's called college, and now that we'll all about to enter the 'real world', I'm glad we got all those crazy hi-jinks out of our system.

Oh wait. You're saying that you forgot to do all that crazy stuff we kept talking about and now that graduation is fast approaching us like aid-boat off the Gaza Strip, you're consumed with regret at all the thing (people) you haven't done? Well don't fret; some comp sci kids have given us the answer! 10LastChances.com!

You know that (well I'm not sure I would call her cute) girl you've been ogling since your freshman seminar together? And you, Missy. Remember that athletic guy from writing 5? The one with the killer biceps? Well you're not getting any younger, and let's face it, you're all getting pretty desperate. Why not turn Senior Week into one Kafkaesque madhouse of fornication and unleashed repressed desires? And that's where 10LastChances comes in.

DeLorenzo '10 almost costs Dartmouth $100,000

In a stunning move that simultaneously demonstrates the insignificance of an individual, the uselessness of symbolic protest, and the generosity of Dartmouth alumni, the class of 1960 has agreed to donate the $100,000 reward for 100% participation to the 2010 Senior Class Gift (SCG) despite the fact that it fell short of that goal by 1 single person. That single holdout, perhaps a Rip Van Winkle character who slumbered through the high profile SCG collection process, is Laura DeLorenzo '10, and she's become the darling of Bored@Baker, displacing Phil Aubart, Sarah Koo and the SAE 3 as the queen supreme.

The Senior Class Gift, a traditional fund-raising campaign held by the graduating class, this year sought to break the 2009 class record on the curiously scaled graph from its website, reproduced on the right (dammit, we didn't break 120% again!). Incentivizing the annoying and self-congratulatory hecklers in charge of collecting funds and distributing flairy retro-sunglasses, was the class of 1960 (the '10s mentor class) who agreed to pay $1,000 for every percentage of the class who gave, and an extra $100,000 if all 100% donated. But just as sure as every theme park needs its one molesting mascot, so too does every ointment need its fly. And that's where DeLorenzo comes in.

After the jump, color-commentary and her anti-Dartmouth tirade in full.

Sun God publishes video manifesto, school shooting his inevitable next step

Dartmouth's "The Sun God" today published a video manifesto, thereby providing campus with the final perfunctory warning sign before he inevitably engages in a mass-casualty attack, most likely at the upcoming Commencement exercises. Video manifestos have become a staple of modern terrorists, from Islamic suicide bombers to those engaging in psychological warfare, like the Kardashians. Regardless, while I applaud the quality of the video, I now lament the fact that when The Sun God kills us all, however he is planning to do it, we will be unable to say that we never saw it coming. Because, let's be honest, we totally do.

For those unfamiliar with "The Sun God," he appears to be Hanover's equivalent of a village idiot: a buffoon who travels freely about campus doing odd or embarrassing things, while the admissions department desperately tries to hide him from outsiders and while we all learn a lesson about social tolerance. Though he's usually silent, apparently when he does speak he exhibits almost a Charles-Manson-esque psychotic charisma that, rumor has it, has helped him to enlist a sidekick in his late-night adventures. And get this: she's a girl!

Full video and commentary after the jump.

Adderall Receives Honorary Degree From Harvard

More comedic genius from The Onion

"Harvard is proud to honor the tremendous merits of Adderall, without which many of you would not be sitting here today," Faust said in her opening address to the nearly 1,900 unblinking and intensely focused students receiving their diplomas. "I don't think I'm exaggerating matters when I say that Adderall has been an inspiration to us all."

The psychologically addictive drug then received resounding applause from the assembled graduates, with many jumping to their feet, clapping in near unison for 25 straight minutes, temporarily forgetting where they were, and then grinding their teeth in celebration of the well-deserved honor.

REVIEW: One Bullet Away

Nate Fick (D'99) divides his life into three sections: "peace", "war", and "afterward". By page count, "war" is by far the longest.

After completing Officer Candidate School and his A.B. in Classics from Dartmouth, Fick was commissioned a Second Lieutenant in the U.S. Marines and commanded the auxiliary platoon of the 1st Battalion, 1st Marines in the 15th Marine Expeditionary Unit during the first stages of the War in Afghanistan. As the kind of guy who gets perfect scores on the Marine physical exam, Fick thought he wasn't challenged enough with that assignment and passed rigorous training to be a platoon commander of the Marine's elite 1st Reconnaissance Battalion on the front-most lines in the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

Thanks to embedded Rolling Stone journalist Evan Wright, Fick's story was published as an article series in that magazine and later turned into a book, movie, and TV show all entitled Generation Kill. The publicity made Fick a Marine celebrity, rocketing his career as a Washington expert on the war and eventually as CEO of the Center for a New American Security.

REVIEW: Naked Economics

Where was Charlie Wheelan (D '88) when I took Econ 01?

In the foreword to Wheelan's acclaimed 2002 pop-economics book Naked Economics, Princeton University professor Burton Malkiel sums up the author best: “Charles Wheelan is the man with the anti-Midas touch... If he touched gold he would turn it to life.”

For casual observers of 'the dismal science', Naked Economics takes your hand and walks you through a basic understanding of market-theory frameworks, all in a light and conversational tone. Wheelan explains why everyone should love government (as a necessary correcting and regulating force in the market) and outlines which uses of it would be most efficient. He explains why it is that Bill Gates makes more money than you or I and uses that example to bolster later conversations about value and scarcity. He detailed the differences between fiscal and monetary policy and shows you why and when governments would use each.

RIP Rope Swing (~2006 -- 2010)

Canoeing up the Connecticut today, I decided to check whether the rope swing had been reattached to its tree. Sadly I discovered the situation to be much worse. The entire rope swing tree and much of the shore on which it was perched has broken off of the river-front hill and completely slid into the water below. On shore is left a gaping hole where the massive tree's roots once rested-- where classes of students forged fond memories of Hanover in summer and Dartmouth at its best.

The rope swing tree of my time was not the only one of its kind. Responding to town concerns about late-night noises coming from a previous rope swing in 2001, H-Po cut down the rope before later cutting down the entire tree. The same thing happened again in 2002 and 2003. Suffice it to say, the move did not improve H-Po's reputation among the students, or the student's relationship with the town. Many criticized the college and the town for destroying students' fun, eliminating mildly hazardous pastimes however much they positively impact the Dartmouth Experience, and however much similar dangers are allowed to continue (looking at you, Dartmouth Skiway).

Thus ends another Dartmouth tradition. May future classes invent another.

SAE's Cocaine Party Affidavit

Bored@Baker is quickly reinventing itself as Dartmouth's version of WikiLeaks. When news broke that Dartmouth students had been arrested for cocaine use, B@B already had the names. As The Dartmouth sat on the story until it broke in the Valley News and Union Leader, Bored@Baker continues to fill in the gaps of our knowledge.


Fighting back, The D has gone for the win and linked to THIS ARREST WARRANT AND AFFIDAVIT ripe with juicy details from the protagonists' mouths. It has everything: girls 'who want to hook up with you', property destruction, nasty emails, snorting cocaine off of composite portraits, copious amounts of drinking, a tabard party, people peeing all over everything in retaliation, and a whole lot of name-dropping. For an abbreviated version, without any of the witness tampering stuff, check out THIS OTHER WARRANT.

The post has been updated.

Green Key Weekend

Green Key weekend is the greatest weekend of spring term.

It was like a holiday-- there were BBQs, free food, and plenty of music playing around campus.

I spent all of Friday and Saturday doing absolutely nothing-- hanging out with friends, reveling in the sun.

There were plenty of dance parties in the evening-- an '80s theme, a eurotrash, and a Dartmouth favorite, gammapalooza.

Amidst midterms, projects, and homework, this break was so worthwhile. I can't wait for Green Key next year!

Review: This Is Our Youth

Drugs and sex, drugs and sex. That's all the older generations think we teenagers are obsessed with these days. Maybe a little music thrown in, but these days seems like the elderly tend to reminisce about their lovely music days and criticize us for letting that fall by the wayside, too.

Well, maybe it's true. Do we ever think about our purpose in life? Do we ever contemplate the bad decisions that we as an age group make that can impact- or end- our lives?

Kenneth Lonergan's dark, occasionally comic "This Is Our Youth" asks these eye-opening questions. True, the mode of the message is a few decades aged, but the themes still seem to ring true these days. Not much really changes as far as human behavior goes, anyway, does it? In the Bentley tonight at 8pm Warren Straub (Jack Coster '13) and Jessica Goldman (Marguerite Imbert '12) argued this point briefly, but didn't seem to come to a definite conclusion. There were few conclusions (or at least few solutions) offered in this work- in their place, there were quite a few heavy questions.