January 6, 2006

"I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys"

(Song of Solomon 2:1, in case you were wondering)

Pat Robertson: God kicked Ariel Sharon's ass for being nice to Palestinians

Well, he didn't say so in so many words, but... Actually, what he said was:
"He was dividing God's land, and I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the [European Union], the United Nations or the United States of America'... God says, 'This land belongs to me, and you'd better leave it alone'...In the book of Joel, the prophet Joel makes it very clear that God has ‘enmity against those who divide My land.’ God considers this land to be His. When you read the Bible, He said this is my land. For any Prime Minister of Israel who decides he will carve it up and give it away, God said, 'No, this is Mine.'"
In an encyclical on the Christian Broadcasting Network website, Robertson tells us that Evangelical Christians "are with you [Israel] in your struggle. We are with you as a wave of anti-Semitism is engulfing the earth." (Robertson, it should be noted, is unafraid of irony.)

However, he says, "It is very hard for your friends to support you, if you make a conscious decision to destroy yourselves." The reason? As Dr. J. Rodman (also of CBN) warns: "the end will not occur without Israel's coming to salvation...there will finally be such a fullness of Israel when their hardness and blindness to the gospel is overcome as to vastly enrich the whole world. For the almost unbelievable truth is that all Israel will be saved. The fullness of Gentiles will climax with the fullness of Israel." Jews in Israel apparently have to hang around long enough for us Christians to convert them at the end of time before Jesus comes back and wastes the homosexuals and Democrats among us.

So basically, evangelical Christians think they're in a 'friends with benefits' relationship with Israel—'We'll call you when we want a fuck. Until then, stay unattached and disease-free.' Except most friends with benefits relationships don't also have a wrath of God component as well. Huh.

P.S. Check out Robertson's answer to the question "What does it mean that the United States is not mentioned in "end of the world " prophetic scenarios?" If that doesn't destroy the notion of literal Biblical hermeneutics, I don't know what does. Robertson twists the Bible into a pretzel shoehorning the States into the end-times: "In Ezekiel, there is a reference to the "young lions of Tarshish looking on" while there seems to be an invasion of Israel by Gog and Magog, the people to the north of Israel. Tarshish was a seaport town along the Atlantic Ocean, not far from what is now Cadiz, Spain. Settlers from Tarshish went to England and to Ireland, and it is believed that some of them eventually made their way to the United States. As such, "the young lions of Tarshish" could apply to America."


  1. Anonymous3:25 PM

    Kinda funny along similar lines: At the Rose Bowl game on Wednesday, I saw a guy with a sign saying that Katrina was God's wrath and that we were all going to hell. After listening to some of my friends talk to him, I told him it didn't matter anyways, because as Paul said, we're all predestined anyways (Augustine believed this too). He tried to say we should act well because that would show which way we were predestined, but I said that was crap and chugged the rest of my Bud Light. Throwing down the can, I then said that I was actually a Catholic, and since that meant I was going to hell in his eyes anyways, he could go fuck himself.

    It felt good.

    Also, as a Republican, I really really wish Robertson would shut the hell up. Every time he says something stupid, the mainstream press and liberal blogs run wild with it and dump it on the rest of us conservatives. It's annoying as hell. Robertson has no pull with anyone in the GOP that matters, and his influence amongst rank and file is probably equal to that of some of the extremist leftist out there on the left. But when those people speak, those quotes aren't then immediately linked to the Democrats, but when Robertson does, the press insinuates that this is what everyone in the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy is secretly thinking. It's just annoying as hell, that's all.

  2. i wish i were at the rose bowl on Wednesday.