Mussolini or Jesus Christ? Make up your mind already, Silvio

As reported here earlier, Italy's prime minister Silvio Berlusconi, who has previously in his career made appreciative comments about Mussolini, made a celibacy pledge in the hopes that it would help him get reelected.

Now, Berlusconi has announced that he is the Son of God. In a mix of blasphemy and Nixonian self-justification, he said, "I am the Jesus Christ of politics... I am a patient victim, I put up with everyone, I sacrifice myself for everyone."

Pope Benedict XVI could not be reached for comment, but excommunication is, unfortunately, unlikely. Pat Robertson, however, could be reached for comment. He recommends that any God-fearing person avoid trips to Italy for the next three or four months as God's wrath will be pouring down frequently.