December 27, 2005

New Year's Resolution

So when I was doing high school debate I learned two things:
1) Robert H. Bork is hilarious.
2) An argument consists of a claim, a warrant, and an impact. A claim is just an assertion. A warrant is a causal link which demonstrates, using known principles and inference, that the claim is true. An impact should be self-explanatory. It's the part that answers the question "so what?"

While I was reading Franken's book I realized that to have any effect on the American public generally the lefties, and specifically the lefty bloggers, are going to have to do a much better job with impacts. All too often we assume the "so what" part to be self-explanatory, when a bunch of people feel that it isn't.

For example, I believe that literally every action taken by the Bush administration can be directly traced to the end of economically enriching Bush, his family, and their asshole friends. So if I were to write about social security, I will no longer write something like this:

"It is clearly documented that the aim of Bush's privatization program, in keeping with the ideology held by the Cato institute, Americans for Tax Reform, and other backers of the plan, is to dismantle social security."

I always assumed that "dismantle social security" was bad enough. What I will do is take it a step further and say:

"It should be obvious at this point that the individuals who stand to gain the most from the removal of the primary social safety net against the ravages of unchecked capitalism are wealthy pricks like Mr. Bush, his family, and their asshole friends."

It is my further contention that this logic chain, from any administration action to the concurrent enrichment of Bush/family/asshole friends will consist of no more than six degrees of causality. Kevin Bacon can eat a dick. This shit is important.

I am going to play this one note until you motherfuckers get it. I am going to hammer it over and over until it's in your head like Kylie Minogue. This shall be my one-man stand against assholery. It will be glorious! Yes! 2006!

"You! Vermin woman! Who did you vote for? Did you even vote? Do you even have thumbs?

Show me your thumbs!"

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