December 19, 2005

The Real Chappelle Story

"Dave was haunted by a secret. One that only he was aware of, and one he couldn't share with anyone, lest his comedy empire crumble.

He knew that at the same time he was signing his record-setting deal, there was a secret cabal of powerful African-American leaders from the business, political, and entertainment industries working together to ensure that the third season of Chappelle's Show would never happen.

At one time or another, each member of this loosely knit, informal group had played a key role in Chappelle's rise to stardom.

They had been instrumental in securing movie and television roles, offering counsel, and simply aiding Chappelle financially when his stand up work couldn't pay the bills during his lean early years.

Over the last two years, they had watched warily as Chappelle's Show had become Comedy Central's premiere show, eclipsing even South Park and The Daily Show in terms of buzz.

It was reported that they had voiced their concerns about Chappelle's Show to Dave many times over those two years, showing their displeasure with the direction that the show was taking. However, their actions could not steer Dave away from the comedy that was most natural to him.

Collectively, they felt Chappelle's Show reinforced negative stereotypes about African Americans, and that its content was, in the words of group leader Bill Cosby, "setting race relations back 50 years."

The $50 million deal that Chappelle signed was the straw that broke the camel's back. The group — informally known as "The Dark Crusaders" — knew that a deal of this magnitude would guarantee increased attention for the third season of Chappelle's Show, not to mention sending his already robust DVD sales through the roof.

In what was an attempt to ensure that this would not happen, the group was seen holding a closed-door meeting at the Omni Hotel in Atlanta's affluent Buckhead neighborhood over the weekend of August 7th.

During that weekend meeting, recovered documents by the hotel's staff revealed that they finalized a comprehensive five point plan to bring an end to what some of the members had termed the "Chappelle Problem".

This complex, well funded, and well thought out plan was to employ a "by any means necessary" approach to ensure that the 3rd season of the Chappelle's Show would never air on Comedy Central.

What follows is the story of the events that led up to, and ultimately were responsible for Dave Chappelle's fall from grace."

Read all the ridiculousness here.


  1. "The outcome was that Tron, a ghetto hustler, supplants Bill Gates as the world's richest man."

    First, make sure your verb tenses agree. Second, homie's name was obviously 'Toine short for Antoine. This isn't a fucking robot cartoon.

    Additionally, I would like to note that the mystery string that Blogger is having me type in to make sure I'm not a robot is "Hteturrd," which is of course an anagram for "Turd The R."

  2. No, it really is Tron. On one episode, the name is actually spelled out on the screen.